We seem to hate even simply the idea of being bored, let alone the actual state thereof. Walk just about anywhere where there are populous of people, and you’ll likely find a sea of glowing faces staring at a computer screen. Pssst…you’re likely doing this now.
The word “boredom” didn’t even exist until the mid-19th century. When people experienced empty moments, they described them as dull or monotonous or tedious. Boredom wasn’t a category of experience yet. –Susan J. Matt
My husband shared with me this article from Vox on social media and boredom, and how technology is changing our emotions. Earlier this week he and I were in a discussion about boredom where I made a statement that I’m rarely bored but I do have moments of feeling empty.
For most of human history, loneliness or boredom were just accepted features of the human condition. But now we never have to be alone; we can always plug in and distract ourselves from what’s right in front of us. –Sean Illing
There smacks an essence in here of mindfulness. Simply being without doing. If we observe ourselves doing, gently accept that our mind has wandered and nudge it back to being present.
Starting early March, I decided to take a leave of absence from work to focus on self care. Well, truth be told it was more so my doctor ordering me to take the leave. She explained to me if I decided not to take leave to take care of myself, then it was only matter of time before I have a heart attack or stroke. At first I rejected the idea, thinking I just needed to flee from my current situation, get absorbed in a new job, and everything would be better. This is (was?) often my default mode of operation as I prefer the “flight” in the fight or flight response. One can only suppress and run from emotions so long before they catch up to steamroll you. The universe has a way of repeatedly presenting challenges to us until we finally stop to listen. For once, I finally stopped to listen.
Unsure of what to do with all the newly found extra hours in a day, and terrified that I’d keel over at the age of 40 if I didn’t take action, I started reaching out to trusted family and friends to share what was happening with me. I could not handle the thought of being alone. Jay, a friend who has known me since the early 1990’s, told me “It’s nice to know that you are not a robot after all! I was starting to wonder if you were, considering how easily you seemed to manage all the loss you’ve had to deal with”.
The first couple weeks were scheduled with seeing friends and family. By week three something magical happened - this was when I started feeling like a complete failure. The key word here is feeling, I started actually feeling. At first it sucked. I wanted to flee. But by then I had already surrounded myself with trained professionals to help keep me accountable (working with a therapist 2x per week and seeing my doctor on a regular basis). Fleeing was no longer a valid option, unless I wanted to play chicken with my doctor’s warning of a stroke or heart attack, so I decided to lean into what was happening.
Unfilled moments, moments where you don’t have entertainment, or moments where you don’t have companionship, may actually spawn creativity. –Susan J. Matt
This leave of absence might end up saving my life, both literally and figuratively. I’ve reacquainted myself with the creative outlets that I loved in my youth: drawing, painting, and playing music. In April I walked over 135 miles, the majority of those miles being alone. I’m also practicing new things like meditating, and accepting things they way they are. For someone who wants to fix all the problems, which is how I wound up in this spot in the first place, the effort is paying off. Sure, I’m eager to get back to work, but not have it consume me or feed my ego, but more so because it provides a means to continue taking care of myself and to contribute to the world around me. Spending less time in front of a screen has also taught me to be more in the present.
